It's been 3 months...

Oh, my beautiful Reese.... it has been 3 months since you left us. We all miss you soo much! I still am in complete shock that this is my life!! I feel like every time the 18th rolls around I replay that phone call from your daddy over and over again in my head. I still can't believe what I heard him say when I picked up the other line. How did this happen to our wonderful family. There is all these crazies in the world and we loose a beautiful precious baby girl that I know was going to change the world. I just always had this feeling about you. I still believe you are going to change the world Reese..... daddy and I were talking and we want to start a foundation in your memory to help raise money to help find a cure for SIDS.

Noah's 3rd birthday is on Monday, we are having his birthday party on Sunday June 22nd. You know that is also your godmother Aunt Jaclyn's birthday. Mommy is really nervous about the party. I just know what a difficult day it is going to be to get through. You were supposed to be here with us 7 1/2 months and smiling, maybe crawling, trying some birthday cake. I am sure you would probably have a cute little tooth by now, if not you would be well on your way. Oh, Reese please give me the strength to get through Sunday and Monday without being a complete basket case. Noah is going to have fun though, mommy and daddy got him a moonbounce. He is just going to love it.

Well, Reese mommy is going to go now. I will be back soon. I'll let you know how the party went and how much fun Noah had. I love you soo much Reesie Cup, you are always in my thoughts. Every second of everyday. Maybe you can give mommy a sign that you are here with us. I love you Reese! Love, Mommy

Father's Day

Hey Babe,
I just wanted to write to tell you I really miss you and think about you all the time. Father's Day is in a couple of days and it will definitely not be the same without you there. I guess it will be one of those days that I am going to have to really force myself to go out and try to enjoy myself. We go to the track every year but I am really not looking forward to it. It just really sucks without you here right now. Father's day is in like 3 days but for some reason today has started off really tough for me (and it's only 9:30 in the morning). You should really be here right now. For something like this to happen to you, it makes no sense. I know 'something' happened that definitely shouldn't have and over time they are going to find out what the hell SIDS is (excuse my language). I really want to have another baby with Mommy bad...but at the same time, I am really missing you and know that any new baby we have will not be "you". I was really looking forward to seeing you grow up. Maddy-Jo was such a cute baby (pig tails, braids and all) and you ARE the same. I just have to envision it in my head as I know I won't be able to see it physically. It is so hard to describe in words what we are feeling right now. I hope time makes things a little more tolerable. You will never be forgotten. I look at pics of you all the time and I would give anything to bring those days back. I absolutely love Maddy & Noah with all my heart and things would be absolutely perfect with you. This summer will be tough...I just imagine you in your little cute baby bathing suits and Mommy would have a blast dressing you up and all. I just want to scream and cry my eyes out....maybe that will make me feel better. Well, I just wanted to say hello Reese Cup. I will be going to the cemetary later today to say hi! Please smile and look over us all now as we definitely need it. I love you baby. I'll see you in my dreams for sure!!! --Daddy--

Today you'd be....7 months old

Hi my beautiful baby girl. Today you should be 7 months old. Why aren't you 7 months. Mommy and Daddy had a christening to go to today for baby Liam. You should have been sitting on our laps laughing and giggling, but you not. Instead daddy and I had to listen to the bartender talk about how there was only boys running and around, no girls. Then she tells us well your lucky anyway then you don't have to deal with them growing up. Wow, thanks. I felt like I was kicked in the gut. I know people don't know what goes on in other peoples lives, but out of all the people at the party why did she have to say it to us. Do we deserve this torture? Living without you is hard enough.

Mommy, Daddy and Noah stopped by to visit with you today. Maddy went to the movies with Aunt Meg and Caden. She will be up to see you soon. We got a surprise, when we got there. Your beautiful stone was placed. We weren't expecting to see it and it definitely through me for a loop. I was happy to see it there. We weren't expecting to see it yet. We thought it would take a little bit longer. Daddy fixed your flower so they are on either side of it, along with your lovebug. We also brought more flowers today. They had a red gerber daisy in it along with a bunch of other flowers and a ladybug marker inside of it. They were perfect. Just like you.

I'll be back later to write more. I just want to say hello and tell you that I love you and miss you sooo sooo much Reesie Cup. Love, Mommy

WHAT HAPPENED???

My little lady, I miss you so much; I can't stand it. Has this really happened to us? I still can't believe it. This is the worst nightmare that anyone could possibly have. I don't even know what to say...this is such a horrible time in our lives. Just know, we will never, ever, ever forget you smalls. Mommy & I got tattoos for you and Maddy helped us make bracelets for you. We are also getting magnets with your beautiful face on them. Anything to keep your memory alive. It is like our lives came to a screeching halt but the rest of the world is in fast forward as usual. My patience is worst than ever (and we all know i don't have any to begin with). It is tough to get out of bed in the morning and my motivation is lacking big time. All because you were stolen from us....ripped from our lives for no reason whatsoever. I don't think I have been to church since you passed away. It's not that I have no faith anymore but I am just so pissed off. If anyone could explain to me why this happened to our family that would be good. I feel we are a great family Reese and this makes no sense whatsoever. I am glad that your Mom made this blog as it allows all of us to get some things off our chest. Maddy & Noah miss you so much baby and we go see you at the cemetary ALOT. Mommy & me know we want to have another baby. Nobody will ever replace you and you know that...I think it will help make us feel better. Whether it's a boy or girl, there is no doubt in my mind that the middle name will be "Reese"...named after you beautiful. I just wanted to write to get some things off my chest and I will definitely be writing again. I love you so much precious and you are always in my thoughts and in my heart. Keep smiling!!! Love, Daddy

Pictures

Hey Baby Girl.... mommy and daddy are missing you sooo sooo much! We took Maddy and Noah to get their pictures taken tonight. There was just one thing missing... you. You see we always get pictures of your sister and brother in June. With Noah's birthday on June 23rd, we can hand out updated pictures to all your aunts and uncles, mom-mom's and pop-pop. Since the minute you were born I thought about our June pictures. you would be 7 months by then, sitting up on your own, smiling, giggling, just looking so damn pretty. My two beautiful girls and my handsome boy. You know I have the three most absolutely beautiful children on the whole planet. I just couldn't wait to get all your pictures. So why are you missing, why???? There was just a big hole missing tonight Reese. And of course what happens when we are done Madelyn and Noah's pictures? A mother with three children, two little boys and a baby girl come in to get there pictures taken. The baby girl was getting pictures for her christening. Why do we repeatedly keep getting tested like this? Why, it not far. Why can't we get in and out of a store even once without seeing a baby girl. We don't deserve this. I just want to wake up from this freaking nightmare. Sorry Reese, mommy just needed to get some of these feelings off my chest. I Love you gorgeous!