Tues. March 18th started out like any other day. Matt and I got up to get ready for work. I dropped Madelyn-Jo off at school and dropped Noah and Reese off at the babysitters. When I left there I gave Noah a big hug and a kiss and of course my Reesie Cup a big kiss. I told them that I loved them and left with them both smiling at me. Three hours later I received a call from my husband that would change our lives. He told me I needed to get to the hospital right away Reese was found lifeless in the crib. They had gotten a heartbeat and a faint pulse but she was not breathing on her own. WHAT!!!!!!!! WHY????????? My girlfriend drove me to the hospital to meet up with my family already there waiting. Matt and I went back to see her little four month old body stuck with with IVs and bandages. Someone was pumping air in to her. They told us an ambulance was on their way from CHOP(Children's Hosp. of Philadelphia) to get her. Matt drove up with the ambulance and I drove up with my mom and dad. Once we were all there we spoke with the doctors and they told us how grim it was. But you are not supposed to give up!! So we prayed and prayed and just sat and waited for a miracle. Some people get miracles right? So why not us? Our next three days were spent at the hospital surrounded my family and friends. They were truly amazing. Madelyn's birthday was on the 19th so Matt and I left the hospital for a little bit to sing Happy birthday and just hang out with Maddy and Noah. On the 20th they were able to take her down to get test done to check for any brain activity. When they came back we learned there was none, so we were left with fact that our beautiful blue eyed daughter was gone. We told our family and let everyone come in to see her one last time. Our immediate family stayed so they could hold her one last time. Matt and I were able to give her one last bath and dress her in some pj's. We then took imprints of her hands and feet and I cut a piece of her hair. I should have cut more..... I just didn't want to mess her up. She was so perfect, so perfect. We then dressed her in a beautiful cream and pink outfit and blanket. Everyone left the room, Matt and I held her in our arms and we turned off the machine. We lost our baby. Our beautiful baby girl. The finishing touch on our perfect, wonderful family. Matt and I always said how lucky we were, we had three beautiful healthy children and we were happy and in love. We didn't take things for granted, so why did this happen to us. Why did they think that we could handle this? This isn't supposed to be our live, this wasn't supposed to happen. I'll never know why it did either. Not that I think knowing would really make me feel that much better. Reesie, mommy and daddy love you so much!! We miss you even more.
2 comments:
Ahhh she is so beautiful! I am so sorry we have to be going through this. Why us? Why our children! I am always here when you need someone who can relate to your grief! I am so sorry you found us but on the other hand I am glad we can be there for each other! Allison from BBC (Lucy's mom).
Kelly and Matt,
You don't know me and I am wondering why, somehow I stumbled upon your site. I relate with your grief because, I too lost my son Nathan when I was 21 weeks pregnant. He was born weighing 1 lb. 6 oz and was still born. I am reading your entries and relating to what you say when you ask "why?" Why does something this cruel happen to people such as yourself and my husband and I? That is a question that I, too ask myself still, eight years later. The reason for my message to you though is to tell you that although you feel that four months wasn't long enough, it was four whole months of holding, cherishing and being able to show and express your love that you held for your daughter. I was never able to show my Nathan how much I loved him and that is something I always felt cheated on. Your daughter was born and died for a reason and that is because, although I don't know you personally, you and your husband seem like strong people(even though you dont feel strong) and it takes special people as yourselves to do what you are doing in her honor. Keep strong, keep doing what you are doing to help find a cure for SIDS and I will continue to pray for you and your family always. You touched me in a way no other grieving mother has and I thank you.
Jessica
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