2 Months Since You Left Us

Reesie.... I can't believe that it has been 2 months since you left us. Part of me feels like it has been an eternity without you and part of it feels like the months are just dragging. Reese I don't really know how that sounds. I'm sure it doesn't sound good, I guess I just feel if the time would pass more quickly then maybe your dad and I would start to feel a little bit better. I really don't know how we will ever really feel .... better, but maybe the pain will be a little less. Right now I think your daddy and me have a hole in our hearts the size of Texas. We just still can't believe that your gone. Why are you gone????? Why are we the ones that had to lose their perfectly beautiful baby girl. 4 months and 12 day with you was just not long enough. Some people never lose their babies and we had to explain to Maddy and Noah, where their sister is. Why you are gone and we don't even know.
We met with the doctor that worked on you at CHOP. They are pretty sure its SIDS. SIDS... its scary because they have no idea why it happens. It could of happen when you were just sleeping on my chest, Reese... and would I have been able to save you, ....maybe...maybe not. If it wouldn't of happen on May 18th, would it of happen all??? They don't know!!!!!!!!! Why??? Why don't they know?

Reese I am going to do everything I can in this world to find a reason why this happens and a cure. There has gotten to be something that can be done to save these healthy babies that die for no reason.

We all came to visit you on Mother's Day. Madelyn got really upset and so did Daddy. I just felt like I was in another world. Daddy, Maddy and Noah got me a beautiful locket that put a piece of your hair in, that way I will have you with me always. I love my locket.... I love you!

We okayed your stone, we are just waiting for it to come in. It is going to be beautiful, just like you.

Noah and Mommy are going to come visit you today. Noah loves coming to visit you and talking to you. He sees all the other babies toys and he likes to walk around. I'll be there soon, baby girl.

Mommy and Daddy love you sooo much!!! We think about you constantly.

The Day our Lives Changed

Tues. March 18th started out like any other day. Matt and I got up to get ready for work. I dropped Madelyn-Jo off at school and dropped Noah and Reese off at the babysitters. When I left there I gave Noah a big hug and a kiss and of course my Reesie Cup a big kiss. I told them that I loved them and left with them both smiling at me. Three hours later I received a call from my husband that would change our lives. He told me I needed to get to the hospital right away Reese was found lifeless in the crib. They had gotten a heartbeat and a faint pulse but she was not breathing on her own. WHAT!!!!!!!! WHY????????? My girlfriend drove me to the hospital to meet up with my family already there waiting. Matt and I went back to see her little four month old body stuck with with IVs and bandages. Someone was pumping air in to her. They told us an ambulance was on their way from CHOP(Children's Hosp. of Philadelphia) to get her. Matt drove up with the ambulance and I drove up with my mom and dad. Once we were all there we spoke with the doctors and they told us how grim it was. But you are not supposed to give up!! So we prayed and prayed and just sat and waited for a miracle. Some people get miracles right? So why not us? Our next three days were spent at the hospital surrounded my family and friends. They were truly amazing. Madelyn's birthday was on the 19th so Matt and I left the hospital for a little bit to sing Happy birthday and just hang out with Maddy and Noah. On the 20th they were able to take her down to get test done to check for any brain activity. When they came back we learned there was none, so we were left with fact that our beautiful blue eyed daughter was gone. We told our family and let everyone come in to see her one last time. Our immediate family stayed so they could hold her one last time. Matt and I were able to give her one last bath and dress her in some pj's. We then took imprints of her hands and feet and I cut a piece of her hair. I should have cut more..... I just didn't want to mess her up. She was so perfect, so perfect. We then dressed her in a beautiful cream and pink outfit and blanket. Everyone left the room, Matt and I held her in our arms and we turned off the machine. We lost our baby. Our beautiful baby girl. The finishing touch on our perfect, wonderful family. Matt and I always said how lucky we were, we had three beautiful healthy children and we were happy and in love. We didn't take things for granted, so why did this happen to us. Why did they think that we could handle this? This isn't supposed to be our live, this wasn't supposed to happen. I'll never know why it did either. Not that I think knowing would really make me feel that much better. Reesie, mommy and daddy love you so much!! We miss you even more.