9 months Old

Well baby girl. You are 9 months old today. 9 months old and not in my arms. You haven't been in my arms for a 142 days. It have been the most horrible 142 days of my life. I never knew I could feel this empty and sad. We didn't deserve to feel this way or deserve to go through a tragedy this great.

Mommy, Daddy, Maddy and Noah just got home from the beach. We went to North Wildwood for a week. It was very very hard to be there without you. Everywhere I looked I saw babies and all I could think of was you. I wondered constantly how old they were, I just wanted to know if they were near your age. I just came thinking about how big you would be or how much hair you would have. Your smile and those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. You would have been the most beautiful baby on the whole beach, in all of Jersey. I still have all your beach stuff hanging in you closet. Your cute little tankini, your terrycloth jacket, and your sunhats. This is just not fair!!! I could just SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why, why were you taken from us. I just want you to come back to us so bad!! I just want to wake from this horrible nightmare.

I miss you and I love you so much Reese. I'll be back later babygirl. Love, Mommy

Reese has a little angel friend in heaven.... well she has many, but one in particular named Alexandra has wonderful mom named Michelle. Well every month she sends balloons and notes up to our beautiful little angels. Telling them they are missed and loved and just saying hello. Maybe to visit their mommy's and daddy's and tell us hello. The first 3 pics are from July 8th, Reese's 8 month mark, they last 2 photos are from her 7month mark. See all her friends up there.

Thank you Michelle for always remembering our babies!!!

I love you Reesie cup!!! Mommy miss you so much!! I'll be back soon to talk to you!!

Love, Mommy

4 months Ago today... you left us

Oh, Reese.... Mommy misses you so very much!! I still can't believe you're gone. I still feel like I am living everyday in a fog. In a dream world. Some people like to say or think that everything happens for a reason and you are only giving what you can handle. I am not one of those people. Not since you've been taken, there is no one or no reason that anyone can give me that makes any sense. Not for my beautiful healthy baby girl to be taken. I am still so angry Reese. Every time I see a family of 3 or more I want to know why. Why don't mommy and daddy have that anymore? Why were we chosen to have to live a life without our gorgeous daughter, and why Madelyn-Jo and Noah have to live without their little sister. I just want to know why. I just want to wake up, from this horrible nightmare, please just let me wake up.

I'm sorry Reese mommy has to go, I will be back soon. I am just getting so upset I can't even type. I love you soo much and I miss you even more. Love, Mom

You would be 8 months old today

Hey Smalls,
We all love and miss you so much. You would be (you are) 8 months old today. I can just picture how beautiful you look in heaven. I imagine you crawling around, sitting up and getting into everything at home at this point. I'm sure you would be giving Noah a run for his money. Mommy just called me and said you gave her a 'sign' that you are still here with us (bluebirds --what a great idea). Thank you for that!!! We were all at the cemetary on Sunday to see you and say hello. Noah gave you alot of kisses and Maddy-Jo got to talk to you. The car magnets we made for you look great and everyone is asking for them. We are donating the extra money to SIDS research so we can help find an answer for what took you from us. Please keep smiling over us as we all need it. You know you are always on our minds, in our hearts, and you will never be forgotten. Have fun "up there" today!!! I will write again soon. I love you.
--Love Daddy--

Reesie Cup Slideshow

It's been 3 months...

Oh, my beautiful Reese.... it has been 3 months since you left us. We all miss you soo much! I still am in complete shock that this is my life!! I feel like every time the 18th rolls around I replay that phone call from your daddy over and over again in my head. I still can't believe what I heard him say when I picked up the other line. How did this happen to our wonderful family. There is all these crazies in the world and we loose a beautiful precious baby girl that I know was going to change the world. I just always had this feeling about you. I still believe you are going to change the world Reese..... daddy and I were talking and we want to start a foundation in your memory to help raise money to help find a cure for SIDS.

Noah's 3rd birthday is on Monday, we are having his birthday party on Sunday June 22nd. You know that is also your godmother Aunt Jaclyn's birthday. Mommy is really nervous about the party. I just know what a difficult day it is going to be to get through. You were supposed to be here with us 7 1/2 months and smiling, maybe crawling, trying some birthday cake. I am sure you would probably have a cute little tooth by now, if not you would be well on your way. Oh, Reese please give me the strength to get through Sunday and Monday without being a complete basket case. Noah is going to have fun though, mommy and daddy got him a moonbounce. He is just going to love it.

Well, Reese mommy is going to go now. I will be back soon. I'll let you know how the party went and how much fun Noah had. I love you soo much Reesie Cup, you are always in my thoughts. Every second of everyday. Maybe you can give mommy a sign that you are here with us. I love you Reese! Love, Mommy

Father's Day

Hey Babe,
I just wanted to write to tell you I really miss you and think about you all the time. Father's Day is in a couple of days and it will definitely not be the same without you there. I guess it will be one of those days that I am going to have to really force myself to go out and try to enjoy myself. We go to the track every year but I am really not looking forward to it. It just really sucks without you here right now. Father's day is in like 3 days but for some reason today has started off really tough for me (and it's only 9:30 in the morning). You should really be here right now. For something like this to happen to you, it makes no sense. I know 'something' happened that definitely shouldn't have and over time they are going to find out what the hell SIDS is (excuse my language). I really want to have another baby with Mommy bad...but at the same time, I am really missing you and know that any new baby we have will not be "you". I was really looking forward to seeing you grow up. Maddy-Jo was such a cute baby (pig tails, braids and all) and you ARE the same. I just have to envision it in my head as I know I won't be able to see it physically. It is so hard to describe in words what we are feeling right now. I hope time makes things a little more tolerable. You will never be forgotten. I look at pics of you all the time and I would give anything to bring those days back. I absolutely love Maddy & Noah with all my heart and things would be absolutely perfect with you. This summer will be tough...I just imagine you in your little cute baby bathing suits and Mommy would have a blast dressing you up and all. I just want to scream and cry my eyes out....maybe that will make me feel better. Well, I just wanted to say hello Reese Cup. I will be going to the cemetary later today to say hi! Please smile and look over us all now as we definitely need it. I love you baby. I'll see you in my dreams for sure!!! --Daddy--