11 months ...Since you've been gone

Oh, beautiful baby girl. I can't believe it has been 11 months since you left mommy and daddy. These 11 months have been indescribable. The pain and the heartache is something that I never thought I would feel. I am sorry I have not been on here much, I guess I just really have been in the pit. Missing you so much and being so angry that I just can't seem to put it into words without feeling like I might upset someone. Not really sure why I would care, unless they have been though what your mommy, daddy, sister and brother have been through they would never really understand anyway.

Valentine's Day was really heard for me. Not really sure why, I guess because I felt like it was the last big holiday that you were around for. I know your were here for St. Patty's Day but it was the next day that our world was shattered. The night before Valentine's Day, mommy just couldn't fall asleep....I ended up crying myself to sleep. All I could think about was you in that cute Valentine's outfit that I had bought you and about the one I foolishly bought you to wear this year. It is still hanging in you closet with the tags on it. I don't think I will ever be able to do that again. I mean buying an outfit for one of your siblings a whole year in advance; all that innocence is gone. I really liked that bubble that I lived in, where everything was perfect and good. I don't think I will ever be back in that bubble again.

Mommy, Daddy and Noah did get to see your baby sister today. We went for another ultrasound. We had the technician double check to make sure she was a girl... she is. She was in there eating her hand. It was really cute.... Mommy really needs these next 9 weeks to go by fast. Reese please keep her safe, and Madelyn and Noah. I know I ask you that all the time, but I really need you to help me out with that. I guess that's it for now. I love you soo much pretty and I miss you even more. Keep smiling down on us with those gorgeous baby blues!

I'll be back soon, I promise!!! I love you Reesie!

Love, Mommy

Happy Valentines Day Reesie Cup!

Reese,

I just wanted to write to say Happy Valentine's Day baby. This will be our 1st without you and it's going to be very hard. I keep looking at your picture -- the one attached to this post (the one with your Valentine's Day bib on) and it just kills me. It feels like someone is ripping my heart out. Who would have known that last Valentine's Day would be your one and only. It is not fair at all. I just don't understand it and I never will. I am mad, sad, shocked and just still totally numb from everything that happened. It is a struggle to move on with our lives but Mommy & I are doing the best we can. We know that you are up there giving us a little push every day to keep going and telling us everything is alright (at least that is what I have to believe). Maddy & Noah just opened their Valentine's gifts but obviously it is totally different without you here. We are constantly talking about you (both Maddy & Noah always do) and we will never forget you. We are anxiously awaiting your baby sisters arrival (on April 28th). I am curious to see who she will look like. You will always be her BIG sister!!! I will keep you in the loop since we go for another ultrasound next week. We will be up to see you later and will leave flowers and balloons for you. I love you babygirl and please keep looking over us to make sure we are okay.

--Love, Daddy--